The Great College Rundown

So after dropping that heavy post yesterday (with a very low jokes-serious stuff ratio), I wanted to try something a little more lighthearted, yet still relevant.

Folks here at OSU have been asking me how I like the place, or how it compares to the other schools I've attended. I've spent time at a private, east coast, ivory tower university (American), a sprawling state school (THE Ohio State University), and a crappy community college/regional campus (THE Ohio State University....at Newark!). Which one is better? I think thats a complicated question, and one that warrens a long post. Ladies and Gentlemen, let me break it down for you.

Location

American: AU is located in Tenleytown, a neighborhood in scenic NW Washington DC, full of diplomats, state department officials, embassies, quaint ethnic rester aunts, and gay yuppies.

Ohio State: tOSU's sprawling, picturesque campus is located just north of downtown Columbus. Its full of OSU apparel stores, ticket scalpers, greasy fast food, smoke shops, and dumpsters with Who is Ron Paul? spray painted on them. Also, the surrounding neighborhoods aren't exactly wonderful.

OSUN-Located on the west side of Newark Ohio, the gateway to Appalachia! The five building campus is surrounded by fewer fast food places, and the burnt out husk of industrial America.

Advantage:American, and it isn't even close. I like Columbus and everything, but I used to be within egging distance of Karl Rove's place.

Size (population)

American: 5,000 and change undergraduates. Small enough that you'll usually see somebody you know when you hike to class, large enough to hide when you do something embarrassing at a party.

Ohio State: Main campus has over 50,000 undergrads, making it one of the largest campuses in the country. Over 30 students have my exact name. Thats depressing.

OSU-N: has around 5,000 students use the campus (which shares its buildings with COTC, a 2-year tech school). Since its a commuter campus, you see the same 30 people every day.

Advantage: American. There are great advantages to attending a university many times the size of your own home town (ever wanted to learn Zulu? Try underwater hockey? OSU is for you!). These are usually negated when your last name is Brown, and you're trying to schedule your classes.

Physical Facilities

American: For all the money you're spending, you really don't get a lot. Dorm rooms are pretty spartan, and there aren't enough of them, causing shortages every year. there is also a total lack of places on campus work out or play sports. I spent a lot of time searching NW DC for grassy fields to play soccer, since American doesn't have a single one. On the plus side, the chairs in our class rooms are super comfy.

Ohio State: The nice thing about having a school larger than some state capitols is that we get nice stuff. For example, the Taj Mahal of student gyms, the RPAC. I'm finding something new every week I go here.

OSUN-pretty crappy, but thats expected. I went to their gym once to work, and saw the machines were held together by duct tape and broken dreams.

Advantage: OSU. Having a Ping-Pong center > leather chairs.

Academics

American: Has one of the highest regarded political science and international relations colleges in the country. It gets more selective every year (average SAT is well above 1300), and has a student body of academically motivated students (well, most of them anyways). It also has a pretty good business and law school.

Ohio State: Leads the country in many types of research, but that has little to do with undergraduates. Campus remains pretty much open-enrollment (meaning if you graduate high school, and spend some time at a regional campus, you can go to OSU). Most of the campus appears to be more motivated by the chance at getting discount football tickets than school.

OSUN- Is this some kind of sick joke?

Advantage: American. Although, I do wish people had heard of the damn place. Sample conversation in Ohio..

Person: So, where did you transfer from?

Me: American!

...

...

Person: Never heard of them. Do they have a football team?

Me: I took out 10 grand in loans for this?

Sports

American: Ivy League Attitude without the Ivy League athletic tradition. No football, baseball or lacrosse teams (The irony of American University not having America's pastime has been lost on the administration). Our field hockey team however, could kick your ass.

Ohio State: One of the premier athletic universities in the country, no matter what Pat Forde says. Perhaps you've heard of our football team?

OSUN- over 75% of its men's basketball team was ruled academically ineligible. That was the sports story of the year.

Advantage: I'm tempted to give it to OSUN, since I could actually be playing college basketball for them, but I gotta go with OSU.

Hot Girl factor (this is really important)

American: school is over 60% female, and maybe a third of our male population is gay. By virtue of being a dude, you're going to get a full 2 points higher on the 1-10 scale than you would somewhere else, thanks to the numbers. Add in the fact that there are thousands of cute girls, and its a great situation.

So naturally, I stayed with my high school girlfriend the entire time I was there.

Ohio State: With a school this size, and with lax admissions standards, there will be tens of thousands of cute girls. However, thanks to our sucky weather, they have to wear winter coats and burkas for 2/3 of the year.

OSUN- Great, if 45 year old smokers are your thing.

Advantage: American Girls are probably more dateable as a whole, but Ohio State girls are better looking (although there are notable exceptions to both rules)

Most likely thing to be overhead....

American: Did you see the debate last night

Ohio State “Did you see the game last night?

OSUN- So yeah, I only got probation.

Over all, no matter where I am, I can agree that its better than OSUN.